Like me, you’ve probably read a million of these articles before. So
to put a little spin on things, I’ve decided to take the expert advice
and try it out on real people.
You see, when I was younger I used
to think that in order to be a flirt, one had to be a successful flirt.
So I thought I’d automatically be disqualified because a) I was in a
long-term monogamous relationship and b) because I’m a very un-suave,
rather loud and deeply, deeply silly person. Not exactly textbook
Feminine Mystique Girl then.
But, as so often happens to me in life, I found out I was wrong.
Because
I realised that flirting isn’t about getting people to sleep with you,
or getting people to fall in love with you, or even getting people to
like you.
It’s about interacting with someone in a way that shows
you’re interested in interacting with them. Whether you do it for
yourself, to brighten your day, or whether you do it because you’re
trying to brighten someone else’s day, or whether you do it because you
just can’t help yourself, it’s surprisingly seldom that true flirts have
a romantic objective.
So, how does one flirt?
Well, as I’ve said, I’ve no idea, obviously, but I’ve tested the tips you always get in magazines and this is what I found…
Making eye contact
The right way:
If you look into someone’s eyes when you speak to them it shows you’re
interested in what they’re saying. Also, the whole looking up into
someone’s eyes and then lowering your lashes actually works. It felt
really contrived and I felt really stupid when I did that, but the
waiter I tried it on actually blushed.
The wrong way:
Heads up: some people have really nice eyes, so when you look into them
it’s hard to look away. Don’t get caught in their gaze! Trust me,
unless you’re newly in love or if you’re doing Iridology, don’t stare
into someone’s eyes continuously. It’s weird and off-putting and
unsubtle. There’s a guy at work who now actively avoids me because he
thinks I'm a crazy person.
Touching and grooming
The right way: Stroking your hair, fixing your collar, touching your face. As a person who does this anyway – and who grooms other people too (honestly, I’m like a monkey sometimes) I couldn’t really see if this worked in my favour or not.
The wrong way: Apparently women
who constantly rearrange their clothes, hair and makeup come over as
fidgety and insecure. Which is not cool obviously. But hey, rather come
over as insecure than have your boobs pop out or your jeans fall down.
But that’s just me.
Smiling
The right way: Smile when you mean it. People smile back with their eyes.
The wrong way: Smile like you mean it. People smile back with their mouths.
Touching your mouth
The right way: You want to draw attention to your mouth to show it’s pretty, sexy, kissable. I did this over dinner the other night and my date asked me: “Are you flirting with me?” Which I guess counts as a win?
The wrong way:
You don’t want to look as if you have something stuck in your teeth. As
he later asked me: “Do you have something stuck in your teeth?”
Touching
The right way: A slight non-intrusive touch on a neutral body part. I generally do this when I’m sober. I’ve noticed that people don’t mind it at all and I think it helps with the bonding of friends.
The wrong way:
Don’t be over-familiar. Putting your hand on someone’s thigh – no
matter how kindly you mean it – is over-familiar. This usually happens
when I’m drunk and it has two equally unwanted responses: a) a person
immediately thinks you’re coming on to them and they’re flattered, or b)
a person immediately thinks you’re coming on to them and they’re
horrified. As I said, equally mortifying.
So there you go. My little experiment in a nutshell.
Follow me on Twitter, here so that I can practice my flirting skills with you.
Follow me on Twitter, here so that I can practice my flirting skills with you.
- Women24
Flirting: How to do it like a pro
4/
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Oleh
healthandwealth