How to tell your partner you cheated

How to tell your partner you cheated

LIFE STYLE

It’s a bad time of year for anyone who’s signed up to Ashley Madison. The ‘dating site’ for married folk got hacked and millions of user details were leaked, not least of which included user profile details and pictures.

Naturally, the fall-out is life-changing for many users and their relationships. Whether you’ve found your digital dalliances under the spotlight because of this, or you feel like it’s time to come clean with your other half about your affair, here’s how to go about it.

Prepare your partner. This is information that you have had for a long time and jumping it on your partner at your easiest convenience is unfair.

Tell them that there is a big conversation involving information that is weighing heavily on you.

Give them some prep time to – let’s not beat around the bush here – consider the worst-case scenario. This is a same-day ‘prepare and chat’ operation.

Make enough time for the talk. Don’t try to squeeze this in before a dinner with the folks. Depending on the depth and extent of the affair, this conversation could very well change the course of both of your lives.

Respect that, and give your partner and the conversation the uninterrupted time it needs. Switch off all your devices and arrange for a babysitter.

Don’t complicate your message. Let your first words be clear, honest sentences: ‘I’ve had an affair’ or ‘I am having an affair’ or ‘I’ve been thinking of having an affair’.

Don’t confuse the message with grey-area feelings to ‘soften the blow’ using any variation of: ‘I have feelings for someone else’, ‘We’ve developed a relationship’ or ‘Something is happening’… The extent of your involvement can be made clear with answers to his or her questions.

Take responsibility. Don’t make excuses, don’t blame life, work, your relationship, your kids, your partner, or the person you are or were having an affair with.

It seems easier to explain our poor behaviour by pointing to all the reasons we felt we never had a choice in the matter.

But you always have a choice. However ill-informed, badly judged or poorly conceived, it’s still a choice you need to own.

Answer questions honestly. You’re going to get uncomfortable questions you need to be honest about, without embellishment.

This is about drawing a simple, clear, honest picture about what’s been going on for you, not getting Tarantino-graphic about the grisly details.

Answer the questions you can, and if you feel you need help make an appointment with a counsellor to go through the rest.

Honestly? Expect the worst response. Even if we have an instinct that our partner has lied to us, getting confirmation that this is the case isn’t pleasant. 

You can expect a reaction that can look like anger, rage, numbness, sadness… This may be especially true if you’ve been living a duplicitous life for a while, and/or you disparaged or patronised earlier suspicions they may have brought to you.

Try not to respond to this with defensiveness and excuses.

healthandwealth Pada 19:28 Komentar

Let's talk about those secret sexual places

Let's talk about those secret sexual places

LIFE STYLE

The skin on the inside of your lover’s thighs feels like velvet, and when you stroke there it creates a gentle wave of pleasure. A kiss on the back of the neck sends a shudder down the spine, awakening all those nerve endings and upping the excitement level. When you tuck a hand into the fold behind your lover’s knees, and even pinch there lightly, it is a tickling surprise that he or she may love.

Why confine yourself to the obvious erogenous zones of breasts, lips, and clitoris; buttocks, balls and penis? Take some time to explore those bits that drive your lover crazy and will have them coming back for more and more of those delicious feelings.

healthandwealth Pada 20:35 Komentar

Sexercise yourself fit

Sexercise yourself fit

LIFE STYLE

You're looking to get fit but you're too cash-strapped for an expensive gym contract? If you've got a willing partner, sexercise might just be what you're looking for.

According to a report in the Daily Mail, 76% of women would include a night-time romp into their schedules if they thought it would help them burn calories. About two-thirds of women who do have gym memberships said they were happier to do activities such as sex or even vacuuming if they thought it would burn as many calories as an exercise workout.

According to Kerry McCloskey, author of 'The Ultimate Sex Diet', a half-our sex session will burn up to 150 to 250 calories, and up to 350 calories depending on how active you are.

Celebrities such as Nicki Minaj and Mel B list sexercise as one of their top diet tips.

Sex is good for you

Not only will regular sexercise get you into shape it will also improve your overall health. Sex has a host of health benefits.

- Sex relieves stress, according to Scottish researchers people who have regular sex handle stress better

- It helps increase blood flow to the brain and other organs.

- During intercourse oxytocin is released which helps alleviate pain.

- It boosts immunity, researchers found that people who have sex once or twice a week have higher levels of an antibody called immunoglobulin A which helps protect against colds and flu

- It improves heart health, researchers found that having sex twice or more times a week reduces the risk of a fatal heart attack by half

- Frequent ejaculation in 20-something men may reduce the risk of prostate cancer later in life.

- It strengthens the pelvic floor muscles in women. During sex doing a few Kegel exercises increases pleasure and also reduces the risk of incontinence later in life.

- Sex makes you live longer. During intercourse the hormone DHEA is released into the body. DHEA helps balance the immune system, improves cognition, promotes bone growth, maintains and repairs tissues and keeps skin healthy and supple.

Get the moves right

Try these positions to the get the most of a workout romp.

COWGIRL

This position will help to work glutes, core muscles and quads.

THE MISSIONARY POSITION

This position will help strengthen core muscles and glutes.

DOGGY

This position will work glutes and quads.

Exercises to try

If you feel a bit intimidated by the above positions try some of these exercises first to help strength your muscles.

Pelvic bridges - Lie with your back flat against the ground, and your abdominals pulled in tightly. Bend your legs so that they are at right angles to the ground. Your arms should be resting at your sides. Raise your pelvis and lower back vertebra-by-vertebra, keeping your back straight and abdominals contracted. Contract your buttock (gluteal) muscles tightly. Hold this position for 5 seconds and then slowly lower.

The ab crunch - Lie flat on an exercise mat, knees bent and feet flat on the ground. Cup your hands at the sides of your head or cross your arms on your chest. Use your abdominal muscles to lift the upper body closer to the legs. Return slowly to the original starting position. Repeat the exercise.

Abduction - Lie on your side, with your lower leg bent and your upper leg extended in line with your hips. Rest on your upper arm to lift your upper torso off the ground. Tighten the muscles of the front of the thigh (quadriceps) of both legs. Lift your upper leg from the floor and hold for 5 seconds. Feel the tightness in the outer thigh (abductor). Lower to the starting position.

Tricep extension - Sit on a bench, and grasp a dumbbell in both hands. Hold the weight directly behind your head, upper arms perpendicular to the floor.

Squats with dumbells - Stand in an upright position, feet shoulder-width apart, with a dumbbell in each hand, arms extended at your sides. Your knees should be slightly bent and your torso should have a slight forward lean. Squat down, keeping your shins close to perpendicular to the floor, until your thighs are approximately parallel to the floor. Look forwards, leaning your upper torso slightly forward. Stand up and return to the starting position, pushing your hips in and your head up.

- Health24

healthandwealth Pada 15:12 Komentar

Hit the spot!

Hit the spot!

LIFE STYLE

 

 

Missionary position? Nah, overdone. Try our selection of handy configurations of carnal knowledge. All you need is a consenting partner and a sense of adventure.

There’s one big benefit to the positions we’ve chosen: they hit the spot for women. We’ve rated each one’s do-ability as easy, moderate or tricky and the results as sighs, moans or OH-YES, along with instructions on making it work.

A little inversion
You’ll need a low bed, futon or couch for this one, and some cushions or pillows on the floor so she won’t hurt her head.
How: She lies on her back on the bed, then slides off the side so that her head, shoulders and upper back are over the edge and resting on the cushions. You move in and penetrate her, bracing yourself on the edge of the bed or whatever other furniture is available.
Why it works: the position stretches her belly, pulling the lips of her vagina so that your penis makes good contact with her clitoris. And her breasts will be close to your face, which is always nice.
Do-ability: tricky.
Results: moans.

End-on
Two pillows and a bed are all you need here.
How: You lie on your back, she on her side, with your squishy bits touching and your heads facing in opposite directions. She slides down onto your erection.
Why it works: Despite your faces being apart, there’s a surprising intimacy to this position. Your partner can move to whatever position stimulates her, while you’ll have an usual amount of pressure on the head of your penis. One warning: not all guys’ penises are flexible enough to achieve this position. Check beforehand.
Do-ability: moderate.
Results: moans to OH-YES.

Rodeo
You need a bed, a pillow and a reasonably fit set of back muscles. Lie on your back on the bed, then slide off until only your upper back and head are on the mattress, with your feet taking your weight on the floor. She straddles you and uses her feet to thrust up and down.

Why it works: She has complete in control of the angle, speed and depth of the thrusts, but also has freedom of movement because she’s supporting her own weight. Your hands are free to stimulate her wherever she likes. Keep your legs braced during her orgasm, as her knees might go wobbly for a while.
Do-ability: easy to moderate.
Results: OH-YES

Wall banger
Sit with your back to the headboard or the wall, with a pillow behind you. She sits on your legs facing you, then bracing herself on your legs, puts her feet on your shoulders and slides forward onto your erection.
Why it works: it’s a very stable position because you’re supporting her weight on your lap, leaving her to use her arms to push onto and off your penis. You’ll both have a good view of your genitals in close contact, which many women find intensely arousing.
Do-ability: moderate
Results: moderate.

The nuzzler
She lies on her tummy, on the bed, with a pillow under her pelvis. You lie between her legs and enter vagina from behind.
Why it works: It’s one of the easiest and most reliable ways to hit the fabled G-spot, that coin-sized bundle of nerves inside the front of the vagina. Her bottom will prevent you from penetrating too deeply and missing it. It takes a while for some women to become used to pressure on the G-spot, but many develop an instant liking for it. You can whisper sweet nothings from behind, hence the name.
Do-ability: easy
Results: OH-YES

X-File
You sit on the bed with your legs open before you knees slightly bent, while she straddles you.
Why it works: many women find bronco-like thrusting less fun than having a penis inside them providing focused pressure while their clitoris is stimulated. You can try holding hands and leaning back, then focus on keeping the base of your penis providing pressure on the clitoris.
Do-ability: easy
Results: moderate to OH-YES.

- Health24

healthandwealth Pada 15:08 Komentar

Get out of that sex rut

Get out of that sex rut

LIFE STYLE

 

 

We've all been there at some point – when the sex in our relationship becomes a bit boring, a bit routine or a bit uninteresting.

You so often read articles on how to "spice up your sex life" but few articles actually explain why this might have happened or offer you longer lasting solutions.

When it comes to reinventing your sexual routine, it’s not just about trying something new, but more about assessing what’s old.

Stages of our sexual relationship

1.       There’s excitement and passion

2.       There’s romance and intimacy

3.       Then comfort

4.       Then companionship

We all want to stay in the first two stages, but more often than not we find ourselves in the last two, especially in long term relationship

Sexual ruts and routines

We often get in a set routine with sex and foreplay – maybe kissing, touch, mouths, intercourse, cuddling. This routine can become boring and tried. A lot of my work is around helping couples reinvent their sexual routine

So how can couples reinvent the sexual routine? Where do we start?

1. Talking about sex

Couples who talk about sex have more sex, but a lot of people fear the conversation or don’t know how to have it.

Be sensitive, honest but gentle, and instead of asking for less of something ask for more of it – have sexual empathy.

Sexually empathic couples process and communicate their fantasies in healthy, relaxed ways and consequently maintain lasting satisfaction in their relationships.

Generally, women need more emotion, men need more physical – It is important to compromise. It is also important to talk about your needs, writing them down can be a good way to start.

Men’s needs: physical connection, pleasuring a partner, appreciation, and action

Women’s needs: physical affection, build up, emotional connection, safety and permission

Exchange your fantasies but remember to start slow. Difference between love and desire – love is about having, desire is about wanting.

2. Changing the type of sex we have

· Starts outside of the bedroom – definition of foreplay.

· Make an effort to show each other that you want each other – messages, surprises, and gestures.

· Introduce erotic massage, but make a “no sex” rule after this happens so that you rather enjoy the intimacy and pleasure of each other’s bodies and not the pressure to perform and have sex.

· You don’t have to try something totally new and outrageous – simply doing something you've always done differently or adding in something simple can make a big difference.

· It doesn't always have to be about sex – being sensually generous to our partners make them feel wanted.

· Ideas – a new lubricant or massage oil, candles, lingerie, sex in the shower or on the couch, trying a new position once a week, date night and erotic surprise.

- Women24

healthandwealth Pada 15:01 Komentar

Court dissolves couples 25 year marriage because of wife's lateness to prepare meal

Court dissolves couples 25 year marriage because of wife's lateness to prepare meal

LIFE STYLE

A customary Court in Ikorodu, Lagos state has dissolved a 25 year marriage, between one Olufade Adekoya and his wife, Olusola, over the wife's lateness in preparing meals at home. Yes, you read right..lol.

NAN reports that 57 year old Mr Adekoya told the court during hearing of the case yesterday August 11th, that he is tired of his wife's manners which she has refused to change over the years

“My wife had failed in her matrimonial obligations; she doesn’t prepare my food on time, I have warned her several times but she wouldn’t listen to me. Most times I go to the canteen to eat when I am hungry, there is no point in harbouring a wife that makes me hungry. In fact, my sister saw me there one of these days, I am totally fed up. Please separate us, I am no more interested in the marriage.’’he said

The President of the court, Olu Adebiyi, said it was obvious there was no longer any love in the marriage and so the couple should go their separate ways.

“Therefore, you have ceased to be husband and wife, henceforth. I put an end to the union between both of you from today in the interest of peace,” he said.

The 45-year-old wife denied all the allegation leveled against her by her husband, saying he was just accusing her falsely because he was planning to take a second wife.

“He is accusing me wrongly because he wants to take another wife, please help me beg him.”she said

healthandwealth Pada 15:56 Komentar